Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
