I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize