this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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