I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
