Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
