Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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