Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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