Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
