I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
