just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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