one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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