i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
