Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
