I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
