ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When are your genitals available?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
