What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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