I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
