I love black thongs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
