nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize