And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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