I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
