i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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