I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
