We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize