epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
