I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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