Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
