guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
