Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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