he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
