Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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