and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
