apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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