don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize