My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
