Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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