he wants to bone in the snuggie
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
