How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
