I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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