I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
