make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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