So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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