I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize