i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
