It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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