He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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