Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
