I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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