Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
