PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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