i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
