I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize