Redeem this text for a blowjob
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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