she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
