I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
