is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize