You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
