Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
