at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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