Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
