There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
