I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
