I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
