Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
