i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
