oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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