JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
