I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
