just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to make out with him forever
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
