im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
