One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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