Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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