Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
