i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
