is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
