i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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