I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sarcasm needs its own font
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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