Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
