She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
