Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
