you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
