I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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